Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Picture I Found

I found this picture last made me pretty emotional. I forgot that I had it. This is obviously me with my positive pregnancy test, showing that I am pregnant with Jackson. Looking at myself in this picture, it seems like I am looking at a different person. When this picture was taken, I had no idea what trials Lincoln & I would face by losing our baby. I also didn't know what an incredible experience we would have giving birth to such a sweet spirit and feeling him so near. I didn't have the ache in my heart that I have now, but I also didn't have the pure love for our little boy that I do now. I am so grateful for Jackson and for the role that he plays in my life. I know he is aware of his family here on earth. I know that he loves me and that I am his mother. I am really sad that I don't get to experience everyday life with Jackson. I often feel like something is missing. Yet Heavenly Father has helped me to keep going & has taught me SO much in the process. This trial has helped Lincoln & I in our relationship as well. When you go through an experience like this together, you never look at your spouse in the same way. I will never be able to put into words the love I felt for & from Lincoln after Jackson died. I am so grateful to have him as my eternal companion and am looking forward to the day when we will be able to be with our sweet son.