I found this picture last week...it made me pretty emotional. I forgot that I had it. This is obviously me with my positive pregnancy test, showing that I am pregnant with Jackson. Looking at myself in this picture, it seems like I am looking at a different person. When this picture was taken, I had no idea what trials Lincoln & I would face by losing our baby. I also didn't know what an incredible experience we would have giving birth to such a sweet spirit and feeling him so near. I didn't have the ache in my heart that I have now, but I also didn't have the pure love for our little boy that I do now. I am so grateful for Jackson and for the role that he plays in my life. I know he is aware of his family here on earth. I know that he loves me and that I am his mother. I am really sad that I don't get to experience everyday life with Jackson. I often feel like something is missing. Yet Heavenly Father has helped me to keep going & has taught me SO much in the process. This trial has helped Lincoln & I in our relationship as well. When you go through an experience like this together, you never look at your spouse in the same way. I will never be able to put into words the love I felt for & from Lincoln after Jackson died. I am so grateful to have him as my eternal companion and am looking forward to the day when we will be able to be with our sweet son.
7 comments:
Anjane' You are so amazing! You are some one I really look up to. I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful friend like you! I NOW how happy & Proud Jackson is to call you his Mommy!
Anjane this seriously breaks my heart. You are so strong! -Lindsey
Anjane', you'll be in my thoughts this week with Jackson's birthday coming up...I'm sure it will be a very emotional day for you. You do so well looking at this experience with spiritual eyes, and I know that can be so hard sometimes, especially when little things sneak up on you to make you remember. You are so awesome!
hi this is jenny richins. you don't know me and i don't know you. but i blog hopped and found yours. i think your baby is beautiful! i think you are such a strong mother and i have really felt the spirit just when i read through your blog. i have never lost a baby but i have been through traumatic experiences that are not even nearly close to yours, with a premature delivery with my son. anyway, i just wanted to post this. i think you are a truly wonderful, amazing mom!
I just wanted to thank you for the testimonies you both gave last week in church. I know we don't know each other that well, but you are both true inspirations to me. I think of the B of M, where it says something to the effect of if all men were like Captain Moroni, satan would have no power. I think if all of us were as strong as Anjane' and Lincoln, then the world would be a much happier place. You will be in our thoughts and prayers this week.
Anjane, I don't know you very well and really have only met you through family - I am Lincoln's Cousin - Brad's wife Summer. I will probably see you this weekend at the Hiatt Reunion. I just wanted to tell you I think you and Lincoln are AMAZING. I have not lost a child but I can only imagine the loss you must feel and the pain you have gone through and still will go through. Your strength is unbelieveable - you are truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
Anjane...
I want you to know that you are a great example to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about Jackson. As I was looking at his blog I realized that yesterday was his birthday. I'm sure it was a hard day but I want you to know that I have been thinking about you.
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