Jackson's 5th Birthday

Written in October 2011:
Jackson would have turned five years old this year. His birthdaywas hard for me. It was hard not being around family & friends who went through his death with me. It was hard not being able to visit the cemetery. It was hard realizing that more time has gone by since I saw him & that those memories fade more & more each year. 

However, I know that Jackson's death has helped our family in many ways. It reminds me of what (& who) is truly important, about how much Heavenly Father cares about me, about the power of other people's prayers in our behalf & of the fact that the Lord has a very specific plan for us here on earth. How grateful I am to have learned these lessons!

My sweet friend Verenice invited me over to her house the morning of Jackson's birthday. I've learned by now that being around people on Jackson's birthday is always very helpful. Verenice & I let the kids play together while we watched The Bachelorette finale. Sure, it probably wasn't the best thing to remember Jackson by, but I just wanted to be distracted & it definitely did the trick! :) 

The cute kids hanging out in their diapers...

Verenice & I made cupcakes to celebrate Jackson & took them to my house to share with Linc when he got home from school...

Family picture...

(I'm pretty sure that it was past Kylee's naptime in this pic!)

Verenice: THANK YOU for being so kind, thoughtful, supportive & compassionate. You helped me so much that day!!!

That night, Lincoln & I ended up going to P.F. Chang's with Heather & Josh. It was so good. Then we drove around Mexico like crazy people, made a late-night Walmart run & played Hide & Seek in the Dark at our house. Like I said before, it wasn't the best way to remember Jackson, but it sure did take my mind off things. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. 

And now, a note to my little boy:

Dear Jackson, 

I love you & I miss you. You hold such a special place in my heart. You made me a mother. You helped me learn more about grief & heartache & love. You helped give me a stronger testimony of the plan of salvation. You are an amazing person. I will continue to try to live a worthy life here on earth, so that I will be able to be with you again someday! Kylee told me yesterday "Jackson...heaven...missionary." I believe that you are blessing others right now with your sweet personality & strong testimony of Jesus Christ. I sure am blessed to be your mom! Happy 5th birthday.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I'm disappointed that we didn't do the "white balloon" tradition this year, but we will definitely do it again next year!