Jackson,
After you died, Dad & I decided to wait awhile to try to get pregnant again. We wanted to give ourselves plenty of time to grieve this loss, plus we wanted to give my body adequate time to heal from my pregnancy and your birth. I am so glad we waited. We thought we would wait six months or a year, but it ended up being15 months before we felt like we were ready to try again. We didn't want to have another baby just to "replace" you, because we know that's not possible. We don't want our other kids to suffer in any way from your death. Instead, we want to teach them what a miracle you are, and what a positive influence you have been & will continue to be on our family.
We've now been trying to have another baby for 13 months. It took us 14 months to become pregnant with you, so we knew this was a possibility. However, it is so hard for me to deal with the fact that I have absolutely no idea when it will happen again. Sometimes I really don't understand why our road to parenthood is so long. I would love to add to our family & to feel like more of a mother. I know that I am your mother & that I am the only one who holds that role in your life, but it is very hard to not be able to do "motherly" things here on earth right now.
I'm feeling very impatient. I am feeling like I don't have much of a purpose right now. Especially with the way my health has been, I don't feel like I'm succeeding in very many things at all. I want to feel you near. I wish I could hold your hand in mine or see you smile or take you places. I guess that time will come. I miss you baby. I love you.
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6 comments:
Sweet Anjane! I wish that I could say something to make you feel better. I wish that I could understand what you are feeling. I am not even going to try to understand because that would not be right. I do know however that you are failing at everything. You are so strong as a woman, as a wife and as a mother and definetely as a daugher of God. Oh, I just love you so much I want to put my arms around you and just let you know how incredible you are and when you do get pregnant again it will be well worth the wait. It WILL happen! I love you so much. You are such a inspiration, such an inspiration. Let that sink into your head! I wish that I had half, jut half of your determination and love for life. I love your smile. Oh how your smile brightnes up the room that you enter.
Jackson is so blessed to have you as his mother. Give yourself credit for all the amazing abilities you have been given and how well you have handled everything that is put in your path of life. Amazing! Jackson is such a lucky little man to be able to call you mom. I am sure he misses you just as much as you miss him. I never get tired of looking at his picture. He is so precious!
I meant to write "NOT failing at everything"
Just remember that the Lord loves you. Period. He hasn't forgotten you. He has amazing things in store for you. Your time to shine and to celebrate and to make good memories will come and you will appreciate it more than most.
In the mean time I hope He "holds" you and helps make the wait a little easier. Because no matter how bright we know [in theory] the future will be, the wait getting their is so painful.
You're still in my prayers!
Jackson's Mommy,
Hi, you don't know me. I linked here through the angel babies site set up by Sarah. We too have an angel baby that joined our family on July 1st of this year. His name is Branson, and what a cutie he is! Your little guy was so handsome and perfect in every way, and he is so blessed to be part of your eternal family.
Branson was our first son, born after five long years of infertility issues. We too are praying with all our might that we might be blessed with another little spirit to join our family soon. We will keep you and your husband in our prayers.
Sending lots of love you way!
Branson's Mom, Natalie
I'm sorry it's taking so long. (hug) I just feel the need to say that I hope you don't feel like you're being punished for it taking as long as it is. Heavenly Father knows that you can be a wonderful mother, and that's why He gave you such a perfect baby boy. I'm sure our angels have a very important work that they are performing on the the other side. I truly hope it happens again soon, and that you get to bring your baby home. No, it won't replace him, but new babies bring a joy all their own. My prayers to you. (hugs)
HI Jackson's mom. I am so sorry for your loss and that getting pregnant again has been so hard. I recently had Harrison at 21 weeks gest. Oct 28th last year. I hope you can find peace in knowing that heavenly Father loves you and knows you are a great mother. I hope he blesses your family soon with another sweet baby. You truly deserve it. I wonder daily when I will feel ready to have another child and can't wait for the day. Love-april
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